Teacher: you —
Me: ARE A BRICK tiED TO ME THA’tS DRAggiNG ME DoWn [JUMPS ONTO DESK] STRIke A maTCH AND I’LL bUrn YOU To THE gROUnd [JUMPS OFF AND FLIPS THE DESK] WE ARE THE JACk-o-lanTERNs in JULy SETTIng FIRE TO thE SKy [PUNCHES TEACHER] he-hE’RE COMEs this RISIng TIde [BREAKS DOWN DOOR SCREAMING IN THE HALLWAY] So ComE OnN [GRABS MARKERS AND SMEARS ON MY FACE] PUt on yOUR WAr paINt
So I work at an ice cream store, and this girl walked in today and quietly asked me who the man behind the counter was. I responded that he was my manager.
"Oh, he’s cute. What’s his name?"
"Justin, but fair warning, he plays for the, uh, other team."
And I swear to fucking god four people (including myself) yelled ‘WILDCATS’ so loud she spilled her drink.
And I thought he was gay
Why am I crying alone in boy’slivin room I want Count
imagine being in ravenclaw and going back to your common room stumbling drunk in the middle of the night after a magical night of partying and having to answer a fucking riddle in order to get in your own goddamn bedroom
"what gets wetter and wetter the more it dries"
"your mom eeyyyyyyy"